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Love or Respect

I was recently asked, “What do you find more fulfilling; love or respect?”

The more I thought about this question, the more troubled I became with the foundation that this question was built upon. The question is implying “What is most important to you AND that there are only 2 choices.”

Here is an example of what I mean:

Apples or OrangesA fruit vendor asks, “Which would you like more, an apple or an orange?” “An orange.” I’d say. Well, that means of the two, I like oranges more. It doesn’t ask what my favorite fruit is, it just assumes it must be either an apple or an orange. The truth is that I like grapes the best, to bad that wasn’t one of the choices. To bad I wasn’t asked what fruit I liked best.


  1. so…if not love or respect, what does “grapes” stand for in context of the original question?

  2. Hehe… I don’t know, but the logic wasn’t sound in the original question was all I was trying to get at. I didn’t want to think to hard about it, might give me a headache. 🙂

  3. Yeah, the original question was pretty lame, but I don’t think it was ’cause of the apple n’ oranges thing. To me, it seems like you can’t have one without the other. It’s like asking “Do you prefer oatmeal, or a hot breakfast cereal made from dried oats?” You MAYBE could have respect w/out love, but loving without respect is just not possible (IMHO).

  4. i think it might be a culturally loaded question. there are a lot of people out there who seem to have a misdirected conception of what love is. and in that misdirection respect may not play a key role. but in a wholistic understanding of love and respect the two go hand in hand. but i would also say that in the ideal sense love should provide the foundation for respect. although, if you look at some relationships respect seems to come first. hmmmmm….

  5. ah semantics…what is love? what is respect?
    What are we referring to here? Is my vision comparable to that of others? From where I stand an apple tree and an orange tree are pretty different, and grapes vines even moreso.
    You can’t have one without the other but you can have the other without the one, so is this a parasitic relationship going on, or is this a mutally dependent relationship?
    Grapes make wine, and cider can be fermented…but orange juice? Goes good with Vodka I guess…

  6. My thoughts exactly… I’m lost Swoosh. Your wisdom is beyond me.

  7. I went to a Christian marriage conference and the entire premise behind it was that men want “respect” and women want “love.” But as a married guy I have to admit that I’d have a hard time loving my wife if I couldn’t respect her. And I have to also admit that I’d have a hard time with the wife just saying she respected me without being able to accompany it with “love.” I’m sure she could respect a cop that pulled her over without love and I don’t like the idea of being an authoritarian.

    Anywho, I ramble…

  8. that is my point…
    follow the original question of love and respect, comparable to that of apples and oranges.
    then throw in hash’s statement about grapes, and you have the meaning.
    if apple=love then it can stand by itself through time (ie. the fermentation proces, but it does take time-I don’t buy the love at first site theory)
    then if grapes = the great unknown that hash refer’s to, it too can stand on its as a fine wine, again after a period of time.
    but if oranges= respect, well, it really has to be mixed with something to become truly effective in a relationship, or else it does become authoritarian and seruyange mentioned….

  9. David, I don’t know what marriage conference you were at, but I think that’s total bollocks. What’s more, it sounds pretty damned sexist. But, since I agree that love and respect are nearly inseparable concepts, it’s pretty much moot anyway. I HATE IT when people do the “men want this, women want that” thing. GRRRRRR!! Not growing at you, brother. Growling at false gender labelling.

    Swoosh and Hash, I’m pretty sure that grapes represent sex to Hash, which would probably explain a lot, could we ask his wife?


  10. LOL… My goodness Morphea! 🙂

  11. he he…
    false gender labelling is one thing, but saying both sexes are or want the same things is another which I can’t quite agree with, sexist or not…

  12. Well, let me tell you that in this ONE INSTANCE, this ONE woman doesn’t want love more than respect. And I don’t think I’m atypical as a woman. And as a human being who knows several men and women, I just plain disagree.

    It’s not that I don’t think there are differences between people groups about what they desire/need/whatever. But I really think generalizing on the whole is stupid, pointless and mostly just inaccurate. I just don’t see the point in doing it, even in marriage conferences – people need to be cared for and approached on a person-by-person basis, I think.

    And it’s not because I’m some sort of femi-nazi, Swoosh. More of an anti-generalizationist, I guess.

    Sorry to shout and say the word, “bullocks”, people. [smile]

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